Everything was wrong from the start, I should have walked away, packed up my tools and got the hell out of there. The endless alarms going off in my head weren't enough to keep me going against every shred of decency in my being. That says a lot. I come from a time the entire neighborhood got a piece you when you acted up. Mothers washed out their foulmouthed offspring with soap. I can still taste the different flavors; Ivory, Dove, and Irish Spring. Irish Spring, in my opinion, was the best because of it minty taste. Though I can't remember any of my friend's mother doing it them... anyway. As soon as, my boss offered to orally copulate me weekly in order to satisfy her odd craving, something changed inside of me. After a slight pause,(I do mean slight) I agreed. Now, I know on the surface it looks as if I am a shallow opportunistic bastard, but I swear somewhere neath the slime was a genuine concern for a fellow human being. What would you have me do? I very well couldn't allow her out there picking up strangers from the bar, supermarket, or the random hookup in the copy room. I felt I was offering my services of sorts in the name dignity and honor...or at least that is what I keep telling myself. The truth is ... I really never a chance to decline the offer. Before I knew it she was kneeling in front of me engrossed in satisfying her hunger. I must say she was quite skilled. A few groans and a spasm later it was over. My body tingled like I had been stung by thousand lightning bugs. Yeah, Yeah ...before you say it … I know lightning bugs don't sting, you have to admit it a certain ring to it. Sometimes in storytelling that makes all the difference.
Before we go any further, I suppose I should introduce myself. I believe its only fair to have a name to associate the scum too. Son of a bitch, sorry motherfucker, and slimy bastard do have a certain ring to them. Hell, they even roll off the tongue if pronounced correctly. However, like most things in this world, they tend to lose their flavor with over usage. I am Nathan Gower, award-winning novelist, creator of the Cicero Wafe series. (lifting up my glass of single-malt with a hardy howdy) Perhaps, you have heard of them. No applause necessary, if you have. If not, where the hell you been? Chuck the rock, step out the closet and boost your life. I suppose I should take in account my little gems have been out of print for over fifteen years, but I won't. There was talk of a movie once, but that shriveled up like an erection when my girlfriend caught me banging her lesbian roommate with untamed gusto. My girlfriend was livid, I tried to explain it was my civic duty to convert her roommate back. How was I suppose to know the two of them had a thing on the Q.T. … The Hush, Hush. I begged her not to shut me out with promises lewd, freaky, and if stimulated properly, primal acts in the name of experimentation. I thought I had a fighting chance because we were still quite active, but my girlfriend wasn't hearing any of it. Man, I just can't catch a break.